Low self-esteem
is about who you think you are

What it looks like

Low self-esteem in men doesn't always look like sadness. It often looks like overwork - proving your worth through output because you don't trust it's there without it. It can look like never being able to accept a compliment, or dismissing your own achievements the moment they happen.

It can also look like the opposite from the outside - bravado, one-upping, needing to be right - because the version of you that doesn't achieve or win feels unbearable to sit with.

Where it usually comes from

Self-esteem is mostly built early - in whether you were loved and valued for who you were, or for what you did and produced. Conditional approval as a child - 'good boys don't cry', 'you'll do better next time' - can teach a man that his worth is always up for review.

It's rarely one event. It's the accumulated message, repeated enough times, that you're only as good as your last performance.

When it's worth talking to someone

• Your inner voice is harsher to you than you'd ever be to a friend.
• Achievements never quite land - the relief fades fast and the pressure resets.
• You find it hard to accept care, love or a compliment without deflecting it.
• Your sense of worth rises and falls entirely with how the day went.

What working with Chris looks like

I work integratively - person-centred as the foundation, because the relationship itself is part of the work: being met without needing to perform for it is often the first experience of that a man's had in a long time. CBT is useful alongside it for catching the specific harsh self-talk in the moment it happens.

There's no quick fix here - self-esteem was built slowly and tends to shift slowly too. The aim isn't arrogance. It's a steadier, quieter sense that you're allowed to exist without earning it.